How to Overcome Shyness
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been shy. I grew up a loner with few friends. But back in 2006, I decided to get over my shyness.
I decided that the only way to get past it was to go through it. I just had to confront my fears.
So I set an arbitrary goal for myself. I was going to simply say “hello” to 100 strangers in one week. That’s it. This may seem ridiculously simple for some of you, but for a painfully shy person like I was, this was a terrifying thought.
I cut out a small credit card-sized piece of card stock to keep in my wallet and keep score throughout the day. Every time I’d say “hello” to someone, I’d put a tick mark on the paper. I still have this piece of paper as a sort of merit badge of achievement.
Now people can be shy for different reasons. Personally I was afraid to engage and interact with other people because I had an irrational fear that they would get angry at me for bothering them. Basically I was overly-concerned with their reaction.
My goal was simply to say “hello” to 100 strangers. They could react however they wanted to. As long as I said “hello,” it was a victory for me. This was important because it helped me start to separate how I act from how other people respond.
The first few times I greeted people as I was walking down the street, I was completely terrified. I forced myself to do it though, and lo and behold, I didn’t die in burning flame of humiliation and embarrassment.
After the first few times, things got easier. I actually started to enjoy the act of greeting others. I said hello to people as I was walking down the street, as I was riding the bus, as I was waiting in lines, and and all sorts of events that I went to.
By the end of the week, I had 100 tick marks on my scorecard, I made friends with the old guy at the deli by my office, and I got a date with a rather attractive girl. Not bad at all.
But the real lesson that I took from all of this was to separate my actions from how others react. I felt much more confident and much less shy.
So if there is any sort of fear or self-limiting belief that is holding you back, the best way to get rid of it is to simply tackle it head on.
More on this next week… You’ll see how I managed to further pull myself out of my shell by intentionally humiliating myself.
December 9th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
That’s a cool experiment. How many of those “Hellos” progressed into a conversation? I have less problem with saying hello as I do with the conversation that follows. I sometimes have a hard time getting a conversation started and then keeping it rolling.